November 2011
9 posts
sugar skull
I really regret not painting my face as a sugar skull for Halloween. It was much more me than what I ended up wearing. I hate that I wore something for someone else. Especially since they didn’t even notice.
Two years in a row.
“Isn’t it odd how much fatter a book gets when you’ve read it several times? As...”
– Cornelia Funke
hello november
i turn 20 in you.
“She dropped her shyness like a nightgown, and in the liquid glare of sunlight on...”
– Gregory Maguire
Looking at internships
In Barcelona, New York, London, Chicago, Los Angeles… everywhere.
How am I supposed to decide?
On the other hand… how much I want to do it is helping me realise I don’t want to keep going with Journalism after next year.
Which is messing with my head, big time.
Bed.
“I went to bed and woke in the middle of the night thinking I heard someone cry,...”
– Ray Bradbury
I was actually really angry the other day hearing my friends talk about my university degree, and how I should have done my assessments.
No. Fuck off.
I don’t disrespect your degrees, even if I think I could do a better job than you.
And I do not regret going beyond what was necessary in order to assure an excellent end result - which, by the way, is what I got.
So if you want to try...
Week 2
Tuesday 25/10/11
Me: Generator 1st Floor - Freelance Whales
He: First Day of My Life – Bright Eyes
Wednesday
Me: Walk Tall - Kele Okereke
He: Smokers Outside the Hospital Doors – Editors
Thursday
Me: Something Elated - Broke For Free
He: Thankyou - The Whitlams
Friday
Me: Heart - Bertie Blackman
He: Raconte – Moi Une Histoire – M83
Saturday
[Halloween party]
Sunday
Me: Casino -...
29th October 2011
That happened.
You idiot.
October 2011
14 posts
I want to see your face all the time.
Week 1
Tuesday 18/10/11
Me: Summer - Moths
He: Run - Charge Group
Wednesday
Me: Two Weeks - Grizzly Bear
He: Crank Resolution - Meursault
Thursday
Me: Sail - AWOLNATION
He: Night Air - Jamie Woon
Friday
Me: Mornin’ - Star Slinger
He: Yuksek - On A Train
Saturday
Me: I Walked Alone - Yacht
He: Circling - Four Tet
Sunday
Me: Worry Wort - Radiohead
He: Song for A Sleepwalker/Say...
Today I woke up at 9:32am
My prose assessment was due at 9:30
I had a journalism presentation at 10:30
The memory of that moment is going to make me feel ill for the rest of my life.
“Penny for your thoughts but a dollar for your insides.”
– Don’t You Know Who I Think I Am, Fall Out Boy
It is so, so difficult to move
After he looks me up and down like that.
But I really can’t ever admit it to him.
“How strange it is. We have deep terrible lingering fears about ourselves and the...”
– Don Delillo, White Noise
I don't want to share that.
I don’t want to know other people get to feel that too because then it loses all meaning.
“I don’t know. Poets are always taking the weather so personally....”
– J.D Salinger
Today was such a nice day. Stormy.
And I kind of don’t want to ever forget seeing that.
The memory is so good.
It slices my spine and ruins me.
But somehow doesn’t make sense.
Like it didn’t happen.
Or I imagined it.
But I know I didn’t.
Wow.
“The voice of the last cricket
across the first frost
is one kind of goodbye...”
– Sandburg
This was so long ago.
When I kissed someone I didn’t care about,
I kept wondering if you ever feel the way I did
When you do something similar.
Like there’s a big knot of nothingness inside.
“But his heart was in a constant, turbulent riot. The most grotesque and...”
– The Great Gatsby.
Okay, so it isn't QUITE that dramatic anymore.
I got out of that horrible month long sadness and sort of was myself again.
So everything feels a bit more balanced between us now.
“We all die. The goal isn’t to live forever, the goal is to create something that...”
– Chuck Palahniuk
September 2011
5 posts
I miss him more now that he's back.
How is that even.
A thing.
I was in a car crash yesterday.
We weren’t at fault.
The police were nice.
“You give really good hugs and I appreciate them more than I say do....”
– A friend said this to me. Completely out of the blue, I hadn’t said anything to cause it. But it shook me up a little because my life has been so strange for so long now.
atrial septal defect
I just did a lot of exercise for the first time in a while and then I lay down on my bed.
And I could feel my heart racing against the mattress and then suddenly it just stopped and then dropped to a really slow beat and it hurt.
And I was just lying there so scared.
Screw everything.
“Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their...”
– Oscar Wilde
August 2011
11 posts
I’m sick of being mocked and ignored and treated like shit and just… under appreciated.
“But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand, there’s a
Boy here in...”
– If I Die Young, The Band Perry
I get really annoyed but probably shouldn't
when people write a new comment on Facebook to *fix a typo instead of just deleting the old one and rewriting it.
“The most important thing in all human relationships is conversation, but people...”
– Paulo Coelho
I don’t appreciate the way you have been treating me lately, and I especially dislike how you seem to feel you have the right to try and be overly sexual and touchy.
If I didn’t particularly like it when you were being a good friend, why would I have more of a tolerance to it after you have behaved the way you have recently.
It honestly makes me really uncomfortable.
But at the same...
“You said I killed you - haunt me, then! The murdered do haunt their murderers, I...”
– Heathcliff, Wuthering Heights
I miss you in a way that feels like someone is...
“Insist on yourself; never imitate. Your own gift you can present every moment...”
– Emerson
I was genuinely furious when I found out he had said that to her.
It is probably the douchiest thing I have ever encountered him doing.
I know he is far too smart to not understand the effect it would have.
But I was also strangely hurt that he has never said it to me.
“The greater the obstacle, the more glory in overcoming it.”
– Moliere
You keep saying that you love me & you won't go...
And everything in me is always screaming to laugh it off and just say goodbye and hang up but you sound so happy and I can’t take the chance that it might somehow hurt you.
July 2011
10 posts
“Youth is easily deceived because it is quick to hope.”
– Aristotle.
I just said goodbye to my best friend & put down...
And I’m grinning and I feel wonderful and I’m not sweaty and shaky like every other time I ever have a phone call.
He makes me so happy. All the time.
“I wouldn’t know just how sweet this tastes now
No, if at first I did not go...”
– The Rocket Summer, Hills and Valleys
“I wish I could love, but I seem to have lost the passion, and forgotten the...”
– Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray
Oh, it is definitely time to eat my feelings.
Lucky this curry is already salty.
I need our kitchen to not be right next to the living room so I can make a fucking massive cake and eat it because I am a huge shining perfect example of forever alone.
2 tags
FUCKING FUCK WHY CAN'T I BE ATTRACTIVE TO ANYBODY
WHY CAN’T I AT LEAST LOOK LIKE EVERYONE HE FINDS ATTRACTIVE
“I could see the veins through your skin like a map to inside you. How could skin...”
– Francesca Lia Block, Wasteland
“There is something about words. In expert hands, manipulated deftly, they take...”
– Diane Setterfield
“Risking our hearts is why we’re alive. The last thing you want is to look back...”
– Castle.
“I’d cut up my heart for you to wear if you wanted it.”
– Gone With the Wind, Margaret Mitchell
June 2011
6 posts
One of my best friends is going to go work at the snow for a few months, and he leaves in three days.
Turns out, a heap of people went out for dinner tonight & didn’t feel the need to tell me, so I’m just a bit pissed that I’ve missed an opportunity to see him before he goes.
It’s been a recurring thing lately, and normally it hurts, but this is worse than usual...